


All This Shit Is Bonkers [Deleted Scenes]

by bunnymommy16



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 05:24:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16633787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnymommy16/pseuds/bunnymommy16
Summary: All the things I wrote and, in the final production, cut from the story. Also will be little blurbs and other secret's I kept from you guys.





	1. Solas See's Madison and Michelle

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All This Shit Is Bonkers!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14581164) by [bunnymommy16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnymommy16/pseuds/bunnymommy16). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madison and Michelle are brought into Haven. Naturally, Solas saw it.

I sat on the low rock wall by the entrance to Haven, reading a book I had found on magic theory. Mostly it was amusing. Many half-baked ideas that went nowhere. I jumped when I heard a barked order to move, looking up to see Cullen striding through the gates with a young man over his shoulders. Behind him trailed a young woman with wild green hair. I stood, drawn by some strange urge to follow them and see what was going on. Something about the woman seemed familiar, though I hadn't seen her face. I stayed out of sight as Cullen stopped by the healer's tent and gently unloaded the man onto a bedroll while healers rushed to aid. The woman flitted about nervously, trying to stay out of the way. She turned and looked behind her, the wind blowing her hair back from her face. Large eyes rimmed with long makeup darkened lashes. Broad cheekbones set into a square face, an upturned nose with a gentle sloping bridge, full lips and angular brows. My heart leaped and a name I hadn't spoken in years came to my lips.

"Aulia." I paused as I realized, not just how impossible that was, but that this woman was slightly different from Aulia. Eyes the same color as mine looked around nervously. Her lips were fuller than Aulia's, more shaped like mine. Her ears bore a slight point, like so many half-breeds I had seen. My chest clenched painfully as I recalled that day, so many years ago when Aulia had turned from me and told me my children were dead.

Her bright golden hair had shone in the fading light of the sun as her fingers clutched her staff that had been modified into a longbow. Eyes the color of fresh spring grass turned from me in sorrow.

"What?" I had asked her, unsure why she would be so sad. I just told her I had changed my mind, I would think she would be thrilled.

"You're too late," she said with a soft shake of her head. "I've already done it. They're gone."

"Th-they?" I stammered.

"Twins," she said. "I carried twins. A boy and a girl."

"You're lying," I said sharply. "You can't have done it that fast! They can't be gone! I changed my mind! I want them!"

"The deed is done," she said flatly. "You won't see me ever again."

"Aulia! Wait!" I cried, grabbing her upper arm when she turned to leave. She froze, her head slowly turning so her blank green gaze met mine. "Don't go. I am sorry for what I said. I was scared. I would do anything to take it back, anything at all. Please." I saw something flit across her face but it was gone as fast as it came. She shook her head, her eyes closing.

"No." She spoke firmly, no hint of doubt in her voice. "The sun has set on our time, vhenan. You made that choice, for better or worse, and now you must live with it."  
I felt as if I had been stabbed, my heart stuttering painfully in my chest as her words mocked me. I had taught her 'vhenan' while laying in the shade of a great weeping willow tree, the summer breeze cooling our heated and naked bodies. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes still a little glazed as she repeated the word back to me. I had called her by it and she asked what it meant, smiling when I translated. To hear it now was agony. She had loved me and I had used her. Now my ego and arrogance had cost me my children and her.

"Did you name them?" I asked, the words falling from my lips before I could stop them. She looked puzzled.

"Name them?" she parroted.

"Yes," I said. "What are their names?"

"I never.." she paused and swallowed, turning from my to look into the distance. "I never named them, no. I knew it would be too difficult to..." She trailed off, a tear slipping down her cheek as her free hand rested on her belly.

"Can I?" 

She gave a soft, bitter laugh.

"Sure."

I thought for a moment not releasing her from my hold, not that she tried to get free.

"Revas for the girl and Atish'an for the boy," I said. 

"And what do they mean?" she drawled.

"Revas means 'freedom'. Atish'an means 'peace'." The corner of her lips twitched slightly.

"Fine names, vhenan," she murmured before pulling herself slowly from my grip and walking out of my life forever. I had asked Mythal if there was a way to undo it, but she said it was too late.

"Revas," I sighed. My daughter. It had to be. I could feel her magic. Aulia's magic had been weak, barely able to do more than the most basic of spells.  
Cullen turned to her and grabbed her wrist, tugging her towards the Chantry at a rapid pace. I felt anger well up in me, but fought it violently back. I couldn't very well storm up to Cullen and light him on fire over a woman I didn't know. I snuck over to the tents, peering around the healers at the young man. My jaw dropped when I saw my own face, bruised a bloody, looking blearily up at me. Pale brown hair was matted to the sides of his brow with blood, long fingered hands reaching out, saying a womans name over and over again. He convulsed as one of the healers set his broken leg, foamy black bile spilling from his lips. I reached down, jerking his head to the side. He gagged and coughed as the break was mended, the pain sending him into shock. I pushed my way in, pumping magic into him as he seized, his eyes rolling back in his head. He gargled, bile pooling in his mouth and I jerked him over my lap on his stomach, holding his head up as he vomited on the dirt.

I spent hours with the healers, working on him, mending broken bones and torn flesh. Halfway through I insisted we cast a sleep spell on him while we worked so he would stop bording on shock. The lead healer seemed embarressed that she hadn't thought of it and rushed to do so.  
When the young man was finally stable, I sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. I had felt, just as I did with Revas, the connection of this being my child. His magic was faint and weak though, probably not even able to manifest. It was rather amusing that Revas, who looked so much like her mother, would have the stronger magic of the two since Aulia's had been so weak. 

"Michelle," the man muttered.

Michelle.

That was most likely the girls name.

I wondered how this was all possible. Aulia had said they were dead and Mythal had confirmed it. I stood, making my way to the Chantry and down into the dungeon.

“You joined the Hero of Fereldon because of a dream you believed was from the Maker." I paused just out of sight at the unfamiliar female voice, guessing it to belong to the girl. Leliana's voice shook slighty as she answered the woman's questions and I was amazed at just how much she knew.

“It didn't bring you any peace, though, did it? You knew it had to be done, but it didn't make you feel any better to see her laying on the floor of that room. It didn't change what she'd done and it didn't heal the wounds she had made. She had still betrayed you and her death didn't change that.” I stepped around the corner, seeing the woman standing in a cell, her wrists chained to the floor. My ire rose. Did Cullen really need to chain her up when she was already locked up?

I couldn't help but stare at her in awe as well as concern. While this was my daughter, if she was a seer as she seemed to be, then she might know who I was and what I intended. Blue eyes landed on me and hardened slightly. My stomach clenched. I had not yet fully recovered my magic and should she alert someone, I would be unable to protect myself. She looked at me, those matching eyes leaving me feeling raw and exposed.

"I don't know everything," she said at last. "The future and what I see depends on choices you have made or will make. I know you won't trust me, but I really want to help you."  
She turned back to Cullen, Leliana and Josephine, her gazing pleading.

“Why?” Cullen asked. She looked startled by the question before her expression became thoughtful.

"Because I have watched you all struggle, seen you overcome hardships, felt your joy and your sorrow," she replied and I saw a raw honesty in her. "I don't want you to be hurt or suffer more than you have to."

“So you are like a parent, watching her children as they grow up?” I asked. Her head tilted to the side slightly as her lips curled in a slightly amused smile.

“I suppose that would be the best way to put it,” she hummed.

“How do we know you're not a demon or abomination?” Cullen asked. “This could be some kind of trick.” Her peircing gaze darted to Cullen and I saw a flush rise on the back of his neck as he swallowed. I watched him shift in a way I knew meant he was hiding a growing arousal. Revas' movements were sure and confidant, her gaze direct and open. She hid nothing and seemed to be assured of herself. It was not arrogance, merely a lack of fear. I could see by her very apperance that she held nothing back of herself. She didn't require outside confirmation on who she was and she was comfortable in her own skin. She gave the Commander a coy smile before turning her gaze on me.

“Am I a demon, Solas?” I pretended to look her over, already knowing the answer. I could see why the Commander was entranced with her. It was the same thing that had drawn me to her mother. Full curves, strong shoulders, ample breast and thick toned legs exposed as her skirt stuck to her legs. I would have a time keeping the men off of her.

“No. You are human," I said, realizing the irony. "But what is to say it is not mere coincidence that you know these things? You could be a spy.” In truth, I wasn't sure if she wasn't. She could have been hidden amoung the Tevinter Empire this entire time. She had to have been somewhere. Though, if Tevinter was going to shoose a spy, I could see little benefit in recruiting a beautiful woman with emerald green hair. She laughed.

“You are a fade walker,” she said. “You dreamt at Ostagar, witnessed the brutality of the darkspawn and the valor of the Fereldon warriors. You saw Alistair and the Hero of Fereldon light the signal fire...and Loghain's infamous betrayal of Cailan's forces.” I watched her as she recounted my experience, noticing more and more how foreign she appeared. Her long nails were decorated with some glittering color, a jeweled ring adorned her nose and several meticuously detailed earrings decorated her lobes. Her dress was a strange, for fitting fabric that shone in the candle light. It molded perfectly to her body, not seeming confining or restricting.

“But in the fade, what you see are not merely events but the reflections created by spirits who react to the emotions of warriors. One moment you saw heroic Wardens lighting the fire and a power-mad villain sneering as he lets King Cailan fall. The next, an army overwhelmed and a veteran commander refusing to let more soldiers die in a lost cause.” I watched the Advisor's ask her questions, unable to stop my study of her. I saw the freckle on her jaw, the faint scar on her cheek, the rings on her delicate fingers, the way her hair curled as wildly as her mother's had.

I followed the Advisor's, shortly after they left, not wanting to linger too long lest I give something away. I couldn't tell her. Not until I was sure what was going on. I raked my hand over my head. What would I do? If she was a spy, she would be executed, but I could see no deception in her. I stared toward the healer's area, watching as several mages carried the man into a tent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A scene I deleted between chapter's 24 and 25 where Michelle is ill.

I came awake in spurts, usually coaxed to drink something down. My dreams were terrible but I always had violent and horrific fever dreams. I would scream in pain and soothing words would coax me into wakefulness enough to assure me it wasn't real. I was aware of someone usually in the bed with me, a warm body holding me while I shivered with fever. 

I had come awake slowly, whimpering. Someone had hushed me, a hand carding through my sweaty hair. I opened my eyes slowly, looking around. My head was pillowed on a broad chest, my hand thrown over a stomach and my legs entwined with anothers. I tilted my head back, looking up and seeing Cullen was reading a book while distractedly carding his fingers through my hair. Amber eyes dropped to my face and he smiled.

“Hey, sleepy head,” he said. I smiled back, slowly sitting up and rubbing my head.

“So sleepy,” I complained.

“You're still sick,” he said. “Lay back down.”

“Don't wana,” I huffed, moving to climb out of bed. An arm looped around my waist, dragging me back down to the pillows.

“No, no, no,” he said. “We're not doing this. You're going to rest.” I smiled and let myself be pulled, curling back into Cullen's side.

“There. Be a good girl and rest.” I rested my head on his chest again, looking at the book he had in his hand.

“What are you reading?” I asked.

“A book on the fifth blight,” Cullen said.

“Read to me?” I asked. He let out a soft chuckle and nodded, tightening his hold on me.

“The gathered lords and ladies of Ferelden found Teyrn Loghain guilty of a number of crimes and sentenced him to execution. Furthermore, the Landsmeet granted the throne to Alistair Theirin, the lost son of Maric. The nobility then pledged their own armies in the battle against the Blight. The Archdemon clashed with the allied forces at the city of Denerim and was eventually slain, but at terrible cost. Much of the city lay in ruin and the Warden who rallied the armies-later known as the Hero of Ferelden-perished in battle.” My hand on his chest clenched in a fist.

“She didn't have to die,” I said sadly. Cullen paused, setting the book on his stomach.

“She didn't?” he asked. I shook my head.

“She could have survived, could have had a life,” I pressed my face against his chest. “It's not fair. She made the wrong choice. She sacrificed so much.”

“Shhhh, it's okay,” he cooed, hugging me. “She gave her life to save people.”

“But she didn't have to,” I said.

“No one has to be a hero,” Cullen said. “Sometimes they just are.” I looked up at Cullen and chuckled, my fist unclenching.

“You're so smart, Commander,” I teased, nosing his cheek affectionately like a cat. He laughed.

“Alright you goofy kitten,” he said, pushing me away. I only grinned and clung to him tighter, licking his stubbled cheek. He made a face and jerked his head to the side.

“Ew! You're breath stinks.”

“Sorry,” I said, pulling back and smelling my hand as I breathed into it. My mouth was foul. I stood, intent on freshening up in the water closet. Cullen grabbed me, pulling me back to bed.

“No, no, no,” he said. “You're not going anywhere.”

“I need to use the loo,” I said. Cullen climbed out of the bed, walking around to the other side and lifting me up.

“I can walk,” I huffed.

“No you can't,” he said. I rolled my eyes and let him deposit me in the water closet, closing the door behind him. I used the Chamber pot, wrinkling my nose at the smell. I took a rag and dipped it in the bowel of water that had been left in my room, quickly giving myself a whore's bath and brushed my teeth with the rudimentary tooth brush and the paste used in Thedas that was made of Fennel seed. I opened the door and let Cullen carry me back to the bed.

“Better?” I asked. He chuckled and nodded.

“Yes,” he said. “You need a bath, soon, though.”

“So do you,” I said, flicking a strand of his hair that was starting to get greasy. We snuggled down in the bed, Cullen picking his book back up and continuing his reading while I slowly drifted back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While cute, it ultimately was just filler so I scrapped it. The story was already 386 pages long, so...meh.


	3. Garrett's Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might want to skip this chapter. This is Garrett's death and it's not pretty. Ultimately I had grown to love the character and his relationship with Michelle too much.

 It seemed that nothing besides the letters could lift my spirits and they had stopped coming. I still wrote, but less frequently, not even sure my lover and friends were getting them. Leliana told me they had won at Adament, but the news was scarce because of all the chaos and she was unsure of the casualties. 

One morning, I sat with Orara, Cylan, and Madison as the children ran around us playing. Orara held out a roll of bread smeared with honey, trying to coax me to eat, something I hadn't felt like doing for days.

“Dear, please eat,” Orara begged.

“I'm not hungry,” I said, shaking my head softly.

“If not for you, then for the baby,” she begged. The clay cup fell from my fingers, smashing on the ground with a ringing sound that caused the children to stop and look towards us worriedly.

“The what?” Madison asked as I stared at the elven woman with a slack jaw.

“The-The baby,” she repeated, uncertainly, glancing at her husband. “Did...did you not know?”

“I...I can't be pregnant,” I gasped, my hand flying to my belly.

“My dear,” she said, reaching out and taking my hand. “I have borne three children and brought countless others into the world. You're very much with child.”

“Gethorn will be thrilled,” Madison groaned. “Fuck, of course, you're pregnant.”

“Thanks,” I snapped.

“I mean...did you want this?” 

“I thought about it,” I said. “Hawke and I discussed it, but...holy shit. I'm...I'm pregnant.” I sat there, trying to digest the fact. My first instinct was to find Garrett or Gethorn and tell them, but my heart seized when I remembered they were gone and I'd have to wait.

“The Soldiers!” came a cry from the gate. “The Soldiers are returning!”

My heart hammered in my chest and I was dashing across the courtyard before I knew it. I was met with a group of somber faces passing me, casting me sad looks.

“No,” I gasped, racing down the line until I found Cullen who looked at me with a mix of joy and sorrow. I flung myself into his arms, pressing kisses to his cheeks.

“You're okay,” I gasped.

“Madam Seer,” he began formally and my heart sank.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No! Cullen! No!” He gripped my biceps as I beat on his chest.

“You promised to keep Gethorn safe! You promised!” I screamed.

“It's not Gethorn!” he cried over my sobs. I froze and stared at him in horror.

“Garrett?” I asked. “He's....”

“He was injured,” Cullen said. “On the way back....” My knees gave out and Cullen hauled me bodily into his arms, holding me tightly as my mind raced. Garrett? The baby? Was I...? How could...?

“Michelle!" he barked sharply. I looked up at him, my bottom lip trembling as tears spilled freely down my cheeks. "It will be all right."

"It won't," I sobbed, shaking my head. "I'm pregnant." Cullens grip on me loosened and I fell to my knee's, bowing my head as I sobbed. I heard Cullen swearing and saw him kneel in front of me.

"Michelle, I..."

"I want to see him," I said suddenly. "I...I want to see his body!"

"Michelle..."

"Please, Cullen!" The Commander was silent for a time before he nodded and helped me stand. We made our way to a covered cart, the soldier's parting as the pulled the horses to a stop. Solas walked around it, holding his hand out to me.

"Falon," he said in an imploring tone. "You should wait until the healers clean him up and..."

"Will the healers make him any less dead?" I asked, scrubbing the tears from my cheek harshly. Solas' mouth shut with an audible click and he looked at me sadly. I reached out, pulling the cloth that covered the wagon aside. Garrett lay on a pile of furs, his shirt torn open to expose a long, puss weeping gash on his abdomen. The side of his face bore a half-healed burn mark at tugged his brow up. He looked like he was merely sleepy, his expression serene and relaxed. Someone had tied a scarf around his head so his jaw was closed and a sob well up in me at the sight. I reached out, the tips of my fingers skimming along his chest. His skin was cold to the touch and hard. Another sob spilled from my lips and I leaned over him, brushing my lips over his.

"Garrett," I crooned, climbing into the cart and laying beside him. I brushed the hair back from his head, tenderly tucking it behind his ear as I said his name again as if he would awaken at my calls. I gave him a slight shake but his head only lulled to the side. He was dead. The words hit me hard as it sunk in that this wasn't a dream. He wasn't going to wake up suddenly or be saved at the last minute. He was gone and had been for at least a day or so. I collapsed on his chest, weeping. I beat my fists on his chest, demanding he come back to me.

"I'm pregnant!" I wept. "You can't leave me! Please come back! Come back!" Slender fingers turned my chin gently and I saw Solas kneeling beside me.

"Ma Fenlin," he cooed, cupping my cheek.

"No," I whimpered, begging him to tell me it was a lie. "No, Solas, no. Fix him. You can fix him, please."

"There is no fixing him, Fenlin," he said gently. "I tried to save him. I am sorry."

"No," I wailed, collapsing on his chest. He held me tightly, stroking my hair as I wept and rocking us while he murmured elvish in my ear. I couldn't look at Garrett's body, not again. If I just didn't look, then it wouldn't be real and this could all still be a dream. This was a mistake. Garrett would jump out at any second and laugh at me. This was just another one of his dumb jokes.

"I'm so sorry, Fenlin," Solas said and I knew I was just lying to myself. No more jokes, no more hot kisses or warm caresses. No more laughing with him or dancing with him or anything. I wouldn't wake to see him laying beside me, I wouldn't hear him sighing my name as we cuddle in bed, I wouldn't smell the unique blend of leather and lyrium along with his own natural musk of feel the tickle of his beard on my cheek. 

I sank to the ground, my legs no longer able to hold me up and Solas sank with me, heedless of the mud seeping into his already bloodstained garments.

He was gone.

Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Sorry! Ahhhhh! *runs*


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This had no definite place, it was just something I was toying with.

I stared at the video again, watching Garrett swing his staff at the Arishock. I knew it was probably the start of my feelings for him. Well, the Inquisition game had probably been the very start. I had admired the rendering of a black haired man with gold eyes, admired his wit and bravery. But watching him fight in the 'Destiny' video, seeing him fight, had started my little crush. Meeting him in person had almost stopped my heart. I had locked the folder with a password so he couldn't stumble upon it and see just how many music videos of him I had downloaded. I now played one of them, watching with rapt attention as he moved. I knew now that his movements were just as, if not more graceful. He really twirled his staff like that and had shown me how to. He really got that look on his face when he was focused, but his amber eyes seemed to glow and the corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. He actually had a foul habit of smearing someones bloody on his face before facing an opponent. He had said it 'intimidated the shit' out of his foe when they realized he had already beaten several others. I had laughed my ass off the first time he had grabbed me from behind, dipped me and kissed me passionately.   
  
  
“What'cha looking at?” he asked from the doorway. I paused the video, my fingers tracing along the edged of the phone.   
  
  
“You,” I said simply. He arched a brow, moving and sitting beside me on the bed. I restarted the video, letting him watch over my shoulder as the music timed perfectly to his actions.   
  
  
“That's part of that thing you were telling me about,” he said.   
  
  
“Yes,” I said.   
  
  
“I look pretty badass,” he said with a grin. He tapped the screen to pause the video like I had showed him, taking the phone from my hands and setting it on the table. He grabbed me around the waist, pulling me close and smirking at me.   
  
  
“Did you think I was sexy, baby?” he asked.   
  
  
“Oh yes,” I purred. He kissed under my chin, humming softly.   
  
  
“Did you want me to kiss and touch you?” he asked.   
  
  
“Maybe,” I teased as he eased me back onto the bed.   
  
  
“Was I what you expected?” he questioned.   
  
  
“Not at all,” I said.   
  
  
“Is that good or bad?” he inquired, bridging his body over me. I reached up, cupping his cheeks and bringing his lips to mine in a slow kiss, my tongue tasting every inch of his mouth.   
  
  
“It's better,” I said when I pulled back. He smiled, lifting one hand and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.   
  
  
“You know what I think?” he asked.   
  
  
“What?” I questioned, running my hands over his broad back.   
  
  
“I think, that the Maker brought you to us, to answer our prayers,” he said.   
  
  
“Oh? What prayers were those?” I inquired.   
  
  
“We prayed for hope,” he said. “We watched the sky be torn apart and we prayed for hope, for an answer. You gave us strength, you loved us despite our faults because you knew we were good people, people worth redemption, people worth a chance.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ultimately this just started seeming dumb so I scrapped it and moved on.


End file.
